Bucket Violations, Part 2: 7 More Ways We Break Each Other's Boundaries
Not every violation looks dramatic. Some look like a tickle you never asked for, or a decision about your own life that someone else made for you.
Sarah is back with the second half of her bucket violations series, and this batch gets into territory that's easy to miss because it hides in plain sight: being told not to cry, being touched without permission, being cast as your spouse's parent instead of their partner, and having decisions about your own religion, career, or relationships made for you long after you were old enough to make them yourself.
Before diving in, Sarah takes a moment to thank the community — the show has now crossed 1,200 followers — and reminds listeners that these episodes aren't about keeping score or calling people out. They're about noticing what belongs in your bucket, what doesn't, and where healing needs to start.
THE 7 BUCKET VIOLATIONS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE
1.Not being allowed to cry. Tears are the body's natural release — being told to stop only teaches people to hide them.
2.Being tickled or touched without permission. From forced hugs to strangers touching a pregnant belly, consent applies to touch of every kind.
3.Being forced into a role as parent to your spouse. When a partner leans on you the way a child leans on a parent instead of showing up as an equal.
4.Being exposed to constant whining or pouting. Adult silent treatment and sulking used as a manipulation tactic to get your way.
5.Being forced to stuff your feelings out of fear of violence, ridicule, or shame. Silencing yourself because expressing an emotion has felt dangerous before.
6.Not being allowed to come and go at will. An adult being controlled — told who they can see, where they can go, or when they're allowed to leave.
7.Having your life decided for you. Religion, career, marriage, or beliefs chosen on your behalf well past the age you were capable of choosing yourself.
“Their feelings, their bucket. Your feelings, your bucket. It's your basic right to have your own.”— Sarah Bentz
MOMENTS WORTH REWINDING FOR
• The “fruit snacks” test Sarah ran on her 3-year-old grandson — and what happened when she acknowledged his disappointment instead of demanding he stop crying
• Why asking permission before a hug, tickle, or touch is about respect, not formality — including the pregnant-belly example every mom-to-be will recognize
• The line between healthy concern and control when it comes to an adult partner coming and going
• How Sarah navigates the nuance of raising kids with your own beliefs while still letting them choose their own path as adults
REFLECTION PROMPTS FROM THIS EPISODE
For each of the seven violations, Sarah suggests asking yourself:
• Have I experienced this — growing up, in a past relationship, or right now?
• Have I ever done this to someone else, even without realizing it?
And if you recognize yourself as the one doing the violating, Sarah's encouragement is the same throughout: take a step back, own your own behavior, and consider working through it with a counselor rather than carrying it forward.
A NOTE FROM SARAH
This wraps the full bucket violations series. Sarah's hope isn't for anyone to walk away pointing fingers, but to start noticing which parts of their own bucket still need healing — and to let their boundaries protect and empower them going forward.
🧢 Wear Your Boundaries on Your Sleeve!
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Email: notinmybucket@hopeandgrowthcenter.com
Let's Connect!
Sarah Bentz
Email: notinmybucket@hopeandgrowthcenter.com
Website: www.hopeandgrowthcenter.com (Navigate to the "Not In My Bucket" tab for journaling exercises)
Not In My Bucket Podcast
Be sure to like and subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs help protecting their bucket this week!
This episode touches on exposure to rage and violence and other difficult family dynamics. If any of this feels heavy foryou personally, it may be worth talking it through with a counselor or therapist.
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